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Just about any diving weekend away with the lone Lyme Bay Diver consistes of being charged way over the odds to stay on a caravan park in some remote outback of N Cornwall in a force 8 with the worst monsoon the country has experienced. Really it is just a good excuse to top up the club coffers and not to go diving, but to spend 3 drunken days in some foul local pub eating pasties.
You can be sure that on the way to the caravan park one of the boat trailer wheels will have fallen off, who ever is bringing all the club kit will forget to turn up, insufficient caravan berths will have been booked, and Motormouth will be sharing his caravan with just the club trainee totty! No one will have checked out if there are any suitable trainee dive sites within boating distance, and even if a launch site could be found, the tides will be all wrong, the May waters will be in and a huge pack of stinging jelly fish will hover over the only known wreck within 100 miles.
But don't dispair because there will be plenty of games and merryment afoot. Motormouth will have brought an Audi estate full of undrinkable alchopops and shorts and will introduce you to the art of spending over £120 a night in the bar (each). The sad old Lyme Diver will probably end up cooking, sorry, carbonising some rancid sausages on his BBQ that is kept alight with 20 gallons of diesel. Numpty will get drunk on a pint of shandy and will then do his dying puppydog act for everyone. All the roughy toughy instructors will try to impress and pull the new trainee crumpet (and fail), Old Scrotum will spend the weekend in the local hospital for the insane, and finally everyone will be thrown off the camp site for rowdy drunken behavior. Needless to say no diving will be done.
One thing can be guaranteed, trainees will be ripped off and over charged to finance the senior club members holiday. Not only that but the trainees will also be ignored, treated like 2nd class citizens, and certainly made to feel unwelcome and unworthy of being there. No diving will be planned for them!
So, do you fancy a diving day with this bunch of loosers? If not stay with us and continue delving into the pits of club diving and revel in the delights of their other persuits. Click on the sections below to find out more.
The
Cast
A
day out diving
Training evenings
The committee meeting
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